Coping With A Difficult Co-Worker

Learning to cope with difficult co-workers is essential to doing well on the job. Almost all jobs involve dealing with a few people who are unpleasant -- or even hostile -- so learning to deal smoothly with them can benefit your work life as well as other aspects of your life.

One of the biggest challenges of dealing with difficult co-workers is that their behavior can take many forms. A co-worker who is rude or negative may require a different approach from somebody who doesn’t do her share of the work. Here are some general tips.

- Ask yourself if you have to solve the problem with your co-worker or if you can live with it. If a co-worker’s unpleasant behavior interferes with your ability to do your job well, you’ll usually need to find a way to solve the problem. If it doesn’t, you may find it easier to ignore or learn to live with the situation.

- Give your co-worker the benefit of the doubt. Your co-worker may not realize that he’s acting in a way that bothers you, especially if nobody else has mentioned the problem. Don’t jump to the conclusion that he is deliberately trying to annoy you.

- Bring up the problem directly and privately with your co-worker. Your relations with your co-worker may suffer if she hears about the problem from others, or if your co-workers overhear you when you talk to her about it. Bringing up a problem directly and privately sends the message that you have faith that both of you can work things out.

- Explain calmly what’s bothering you and how you’d like things to change. You might say, “Sometimes when I talk to customers on the phone, they can hear you speaking in the background or I have trouble concentrating on what they’re saying. Could you try to speak a little more softly?” If the problem is that a co-worker complains or gossips continually, you might say, “I know you have strong feelings about Jack, but I like him and think he’s done a lot for the company. So I’d prefer not to listen to negative comments about him.”

- Try to solve the problem on your own before you talk to a manager. Managers generally expect you to work out most problems with people on your own level. This means that if you bring up a problem with a co-worker, your manager may ask, “What steps have you taken to solve this problem on your own?” Be sure you’ve tried to resolve the situation before you mention it to somebody on a higher level. If you can’t figure out what to do, talk to a trusted mentor or friend who has dealt with a similar problem.

- If you need to talk to a manager, always bring up the problem with your own manager before you talk to the manager of a co-worker. Your manager may have ideas for solving the problem that hadn’t occurred to you. In addition, if there’s a serious problem, your manager might prefer to talk to the other manager about it himself.

- Thank a difficult co-worker who has tried to make changes. If you’ve spoken to someone about a problem and can see that she’s trying to change, say “thank you” even if the efforts haven’t been completely successful. You might say, “I really appreciate your trying to keep your voice down when I’m on the phone. But a few customers have said that they can still hear you in the background. Would it help if I gave you a signal, such as raising my hand, when this happens? Or can you suggest another solution?”

The most important thing to remember about dealing with difficult co-workers is that every job is likely to have at least a few people who act in ways that bother you at times. If you can learn to live with differences that don’t matter in the long run, you may find that your co-workers are willing to overlook some of the things about you that bother them, too, and you’ll be able to work together much more smoothly.

© 2004 Ceridian Corporation. All rights reserved.

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